Gotham's Crazies
by bananalumpia
Summary: What is it about Gotham and the insane? Does the Dark Knight's city simply attract them, or does it create them? Not the sort of story it sounds like. Read to find out more.


**Don't own anything.**

Bruce sighed, slouching in his chair. His eyes hurt from the glare of the batcave screens around him.

"Long night, Master Bruce?" asked Alfred, carrying a tray of coffee.

Bruce just shook his head as he took the coffee, draining most of it in the first gulp. "I just can't seem to figure out where Penguin is hiding. Cobblepot Manor is deserted, and his usual roosts have turned up empty!"

"Perhaps a break would do you good, sir. Maybe you ought to attend the Old Children's Home fun day after all. The publicity would be good for the orphanage, and for Bruce Wayne, I might add."

Bruce's head leaned back against the chair as he closed his eyes. "I don't know, ALfred. Maybe you're right."

"In that case, sir, you'll be leaving in an hour to take underprivileged children to the zoo."

Bruce started. "Wait, the zoo?"

The air was clear, the sun was shining, and Bruce was miserable. It wasn't that he didn't like kids. In fact, the orphaned kids were adorable in their excitement at the caged animals. But Bruce couldn't stop pondering the Penguin's mysterious lack of habitat. Criminals like Cobblepot always have a base of operations.

A scream startled Bruce, whose first reaction was Batman-esque: he looked around quickly for threats and endangered civilians. When he caught sight of the scream's source, he slumped and rolled his eyes.

A ten-year old girl had seen the Arctic Exhibit, complete with polar bears and more. The exhibit attracted the attention of most of the kids, so the caretakers haphazardly shepherded the large group towards the air-conditioned building.

Several polar bear sculptures, carved in various poses, greeted Bruce and the kids as they entered. The kids shrieked and began climbing all over the statues, ignoring the large, strategically place "no climbing allowed" signs.

Bruce grinned, amused by the kids disregard of anything but their objective, as the caretakers frantically tried to get the kids off.

After several minutes, the caretakers pulled the last kid off the back of a bear standing on two legs. The young boy protested, clinging to the bears ears with the grip of a monkey. At last, the group moved on, to the real bears.

Ten minutes passed as the kids stared in awe at sleeping bears. The polar bears, sensing that their mere existence was sufficient, made no move to do anything other than lay there.

One of the boys, Jimmy, pulled on Bruce's sleeve. "I want up!" the boy declared, raising his arms to be lifted.

"Jimmy, ask nicely," instructed the most frazzled caretaker, Lucy.

Bruce gave her his winning Bruce Wayne Billionaire smile. "It's okay." He picked Jimmy up, setting the kid on his shoulders. Jimmy laughed and grabbed Bruce's hair tightly, causing the playboy's smile to turn to a wince.

Eventually, the caretakers began to herd the children to the next exhibit.

"Ooh, penguins!" cried Jimmy, shifting his weight uncomfortably on Bruce's shoulders.

The penguins did not seem impressed with Jimmy's attention. The waddled back and forth, swam in the water, and slept on the snow. The climate-controlled cage was quite large, and there were over thirty penguins going about their various ways inside.

One penguin was more adventurous than the rest, and swam up to the glass wall. Jimmy kicked his heels into Bruce's side, spurring the man forward.

"Look at that," Jimmy cooed, slithering down from his perch and placing his face against the glass. "This one likes me."

The penguin did seem interested in the young boy, and the two entertained each other for several minutes, much to Bruce's relief.

"Mr. Wayne, Mr. Wayne!" cried Jimmy. Bruce smiled down at the orphan. "I named the penguin Bruce! After you!"

Bruce forced a smile onto his face and looked around sheepishly at the other adults. He crouched down, rubbing the back of his neck. "Thats...very nice of you Jimmy. I'm very honored."

Jimmy grinned, pleased with himself.

Bruce (the penguin) dived at Bruce the billionaire. The glass stopped the penguin from reaching its target, which was … Bruce's watch?

"See, he likes you!"Jimmy said, squealing. "Can I keep him?"

"Sorry, kiddo, but no. How would you take care of it? Although," Bruce said thoughtfully, rising to his feet, "I don't think the zoo would miss him. Why are there so many penguins?"

The last question was directed at a nearby zookeeper.

"Oh, um, well, Mr. Wayne," the zookeeper began flustered. She paused to compose herself, then continued. "We have received very large anonymous donations over the last couple of years with a request to use the money for the penguin display."

"Really?" Bruce, or rather, Batman, asked. There was something suspicious about that. "And the donations were all anonymous, you said?"

"Oh, yes, but that sort of thing isn't uncommon. . ." The zookeeper launched into a long explanation of donations, rich Gothamites, and eccentric philanthropists. Bruce barely heard, his thoughts elsewhere…

"Thats got to be it!" Bruce rose from the chair in front of the Batcomputer excitedly.

"What does, sir?" inquired Alfred.

"Well," Bruce started, beginning to pace, "The penguin exhibit has been receiving large, anonymous donations for the past five years, which roughly patches up with the Penguin's arrival in Gotham. The time of the donations also corresponds with large, successful heists pulled by the Penguin. One of the penguins at the zoo attempted to steal my watch, probably because the Penguin has trained it to steal. The penguin enclosure is also quite large, enough to hide a secret lair. Obviously, this is the lead I've been looking for!"

"It seems like a giant leap of reasoning, sir, but in this city, I suppose anything's possible." Alfred turned to go, as the Batman lept into the Batmobile and sped away.

The zoo had fairly good security systems, but for someone who had designed the Watchtower's security, they were no problem.

A dark shadow slid across the grounds, pausing only at the hidden zookeeper's entrance to the penguin enclosure. Opening the door, the shadow slipped into the cage. The shadow reached inside his cape and removed a small device.

After a few still moments, the device pinged, and Batman stifled his grin. The recordings showed that the area directly under the penguin's cage was hollow, and a trap door was located nearby.

When the Dark Knight encountered no difficulties in locating and raising the trapdoor, he paused, confused. Penguin's lairs usually had more security than that. Perhaps the bird-themed villain had simply assumed that the location of his hideout guaranteed him privacy.

Cautiously, Batman climbed down into the hidden cave. After a short while, his feet hit bottom, and he braced himself. Nothing happened. No alarm system, no flapping bird wings, no '_wah, wah, wah_' from the Penguin.

A flashlight was removed from the utility belt and clicked on. A quick sweep told Batman what he wanted to know: the Penguin had somehow known he was coming. Instead of umbrellas and thieving birds, the Dark Knight saw only crates and boxes.

After thoroughly sweeping the lair for clues, and finding none, Batman sighed, and began to ascend the ladder.

Uptop, he was startled by tripping over a badly placed penguin. The aforementioned arctic bird set up a loud wailing, quickly joined by the others in the flock. Swiftly, Batman left the enclosure, and the zoo, far behind.

"No Penguin, I presume, then, sir?" asked Alfred, noticing Batman's lack of injuries.

"No, and his base of operations was cleared out, like he knew I was coming. And the penguins were obviously trained and used as an alarm system, though not a good one. I guess I'm back to square one."

The next night, and one Batsignal away…

"What is it, Commissioner? I'm in the middle of a case right now," growled Batman, giving his infamous Batglare.

The Commissioner sighed, and pinched the bridge of his nose. "That's what I wanted to talk to you about, actually. Was there a reason you broke into the penguin enclosure at the zoo?"

The Batman didn't justify that with an answer, and only glared.

"Look, I know you're trying to do the right thing, but beyond the obvious, why would the Penguin be there?"

Batman's scowl deepened. "I found evidence … anonymous donations to the zoo for the express purpose of funding the enclosure were made after Penguin heists."

Commissioner Gordon frowned. "But...we always recovered _all_ the money Penguin had stolen. How would he have donated what he no longer had?"

Batman paused. For a long moment he stood there, tense. His outward posture never moved, but his mind was in turmoil. _Why didn't I think of that? Of course it makes sense. Then why was I so convinced…?_

The Commissioner spoke up. "Batman? Are you sure you're alright?"

The Dark Knight didn't answer, only turned away and leaped into the night.

**Oh-kaaay. So. Tell me what you think, if the story idea was a worthwhile one or not. If the idea is good, and the writing is good, I'll do more, with other villains. If not, oh well. :) Thnx for reading!**


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